The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free number, 1 (800) 273-TALK (8255), connects the caller to a local certified crisis center.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free number, 1 (800) 273-TALK (8255), connects the caller to a local certified crisis center.

Michelle Rouse said she has cried everyday since her son, Matthew Goin, died from an overdose five years ago. She said he is the first thought she has in the morning and the last thought she has at night.

She said after her son's death, she took in her daughter-in-law to comfort her as they grieved, unaware that she was responsible for her son's death.

Rouse said she's still tormented by the mystery of what happened the night her son died. And Goin, who holds the answers that could ease her suffering, refuses speak to this day.

Rouse described her as a "special kind of evil."

Nicole Goin, 48, on Friday was sentenced to four years of probation after pleading guilty to a state-jail felony count of aiding suicide, causing serious bodily injury in the July 2017 death of her husband, 26-year-old Matthew Goin.

She admitted to providing the medication that caused Matthew Goin's overdose death.

If she violates the condition of her probation, she faces up to two years in a state jail facility.

Nicole Goin's charge stems from a Lubbock police investigation that began after police responded to a check welfare call to a residence in the University Club Apartments at 5540 19th St.

According to an arrest warrant, Lubbock police responding to a check welfare call to a residence in the University Club Apartments at 5540 19th St. found Matthew Goin lying on the bedroom floor face up. He was pronounced dead at the scene by EMS.

The call came from Rouse, who said her daughter-in-law told her that her son had taken several pills and was unresponsive. Responding officers found Matthew Goin lying on the bedroom floor face up.

Meanwhile, Nicole Goin was found in a convenience store in Lamesa. Goin later told investigators she woke up and found her husband lying motionless on the floor and tried to resuscitate him for about 40 minutes then left for her in-law’s home to in Lubbock tell them about their son’s death. However, Goin, who had recently moved from Pennsylvania to Lubbock, said she got lost and ended up in Lamesa.

A Lamesa police officer who met with her at the store described her as disoriented and dazed. He noted what appeared to be vomit on her pants.

Goin never called 911 to report her husband’s death, the warrant states. Instead, she was concerned about telling her mother-in-law in person about the death and left the apartment.

Goin told investigators that her husband, who was on community supervision for a felony charge of evading arrest with a vehicle, wanted to kill himself because he was worried about going to prison for failing a drug test. She said he had also been vomiting blood recently.

She said the they arranged to kill themselves. Goin, who said she was $12,000 in debt and suffered from depression, provided most of the cocktail of drugs the two took that night, the warrant states.

Goin said she suffered from mental disorders and a digestive condition and was prescribed sedatives and pain medication to treat her illnesses.

“(Goin) stated she did not want to kill Matt, but did not want him (to) ‘die alone’,” the warrant states.

She said her husband wrote a suicide note for his mother and the couple put together a playlist of music they would listen to as the drugs killed them.

However, Goin, who said she took more pills than her husband, woke up about two hours later and found him facedown on the floor. She said she moved his body, which was cold to the touch, back on the bed but it fell off again.

She told investigators she didn’t know why she didn’t call 911.

At the end of the interview, Goin told the investigator she was not thinking about self-harm. However, she was taken to UMC a few days later after allegedly trying to kill herself.

Three days after Matthew Goin’s death, police responded to a domestic disturbance call involving Nicole Goin and Rouse after Goin reportedly revealed her role in her son's death.

Goin told her mother-in-law, "I'm very sorry for what I did to your family. I'm probably going to prison for a very long time," court documents state.

As the investigation continued, Rouse told investigators that in the weeks leading up to her son's death, Nicole Goin told her that she was tired of fighting with Matthew.

Rouse said she offered to pay for Goin's trip home to Pennsylvania but was told by Goin that, “I’m not going home until I get the $8,000 I came with.”

Investigators also learned from the couple's apartment manager that the night before Matthew Goin's death she overheard them having a loud, heated argument in their apartment.

Prosecutor Jessica Gorman said the charge filed against Goin was rare and she had hoped for a harsher outcome for Goin.

"Based on the conduct and the sanctity of life -- somebody's dead," she said. "When it's your husband, you would think you would do everything to protect them instead of assist them in dying."

She said an autopsy confirmed that the drugs that killed Matthew Goin were prescribed to his wife.

"Those prescriptions were hers and there all sedative-type of prescriptions, like Tramadol, Ativan, that sort of thing, Clonazepam, that if your body is used to taking it, it is not unlikely that somebody could take a combination like that and survive but it's also possible to take that combination and not survive," she said.

However, a number of factors played into the plea deal offered to Goin including evidence of the suicide pact and Goin's second attempt to kill herself after her husband's funeral.

"We are pleased with the fact that it's going to be a conviction on her record that she will be a convicted felon and that this offense specifically will show up on her record," Gorman said.

During Friday's hearing Rouse said in her victim impact statement that she was advised to forgive Goin in order to begin healing.

"Unfortunately, this means I will never heal," she said.

Goin's silence about what led to her son's death remains an open wound.

"I will never know exactly what led to my sons death that night," she said. "How can I forgive when I don't know what I am forgiving her for?"

in's trip home to Pennsylvania but was told by Goin that “I’m not going home until I get the $8,000 I came with.”

Investigators also learned from the couple's apartment manager that the night before Mathew Goin's death she overheard them having a loud, heated argument in their apartment.